because then there would be a direction for me to go and I would be following my passions or making my dreams come true or some shit or at least I would have an idea, but instead I’m here taking classes I hate for a degree I have no interest in just because that’s what someone told my parents that smart kids do. I hate everything about this. I’m here because I can do it, not because I like doing it or I want to do it, but because I can do it and I can do it well. I might hate myself before during after, but I can so obviously that means I need to keep going with it because well, nobody likes to work hard and everybody gets discouraged sometimes. So I keep at it because I don’t even know what else I can do anymore and anything I want to do is unreasonable or unattainable, especially without ridding myself of the however many thousands of dollars of debit I’ve amassed over the course of the two years of studying something that I have no interest in. I’m halfway though my degree and so far this degree has stomped out every last bit of whatever person I used to be and rid my chances of being something that I’m actually content with. I hate everything, myself included. Myself especially.